Feeling particularly despondent on a cold winter's night I googled "how modern culture leads to hopelessness" and found your excellent article: "How Modern Culture Drowns Out Psychology’s Important Message - Humans crave connection, but society tells us to prize self-sufficiency." Your writing really hit home for me! You described what I've been feeling for years and have been trying to articulate. I'm not a very good consumer it turns out. I realized long ago that I valued free time more than stuff. So compared to most people in my upwardly mobile area, I am far, far behind. I do not own a house as a single woman in my 60's, I drive an economy car, I am not a crack interior decorator, I have an old cell phone, I don't spend a lot of time on planes, I don't blow money in restaurants. I'm OK with my life as I am aware that my standard of living exceeds most people of the world...however, my more "successful" peers seem entitled to express dismay with my lifestyle and they like to let me know it.
I get hassled a fair amount of not meeting the standards of today's individualist consumer ideals. The fact that I'm a renter is the number one faux pas. Being a renter is treated in this culture like a moral failing, shameful, something to be mocked. I wouldn't dare make rude comments about someone's weight but that overweight person who owns two houses feels quite entitled to make comments about my renter status. I don't want to spend my time creating a living space that looks like it came out of Architectural Digest. I didn't realize I was supposed to be a crack real estate whiz, to know when "the bottom of the market" was and that is exactly WHEN I should buy property so I can then brag about how much it has increased in value.
Thus I am constantly dealing with simmering anger over this ridiculous culture, feeling the condescension and judgement from other consumers around me. It has affected my mental health and probably my blood pressure. On a daily basis I try to calm myself down, deep breathe, smile at dogs and tell myself "No, this is not why you are here - to compete, consume, buy stuff, and display it - BY MYSELF - to be accepted." Yet, this is the current reality. In order to keep up with the proverbial Joneses, I'd have to quit pretty much everything to concentrate on keeping up, competing, buy that condo already (in the 3rd most expensive city in the country) and "stop throwing your money away on rent", then buy those tasteful furnishings, paint the walls the "right" stylish colors, get the most tasteful wall art, work hard to get everything to look "just so" and then have those people over to admire my possessions and decor so that I can approved of, to finally be an esteemed member of their club. That's what is important. Even though we have all heard the old adage, "it's what's inside that counts"...No, not true. Not here, not now. Well, yeah, that's nice but it's what is OUTSIDE that will get social acceptance. What is YOUR property worth? How much do YOU make? What kind of car do YOU drive? Where did YOU take YOUR last vacation? What are YOUR financial goals? What is YOUR retirement plan? What do YOU do? Sigh. No wonder so many are lonely and despondent.
Thank you for your amazingly wonderful warm and keenly observant writing nailing this modern social tragedy. And I will NEVER fit in until I - individually, as a near senior citizen with a partial disability - achieve these consumer ideals BY MYSELF so I can be accepted. Some may say, "Oh, you're exaggerating, it's not as bad as you make it out to be, people are not that materialistic or judgmental"...."You need different friends". Luckily I do have a couple friends who don't care about my decor but they are few and far between. This is why I prefer the company of strangers. They know nothing about my car, my education, my portfolio, my decorating skills or my achievements as an INDIVIDUAL. I'd rather exchange light small talk or cheerful banter with a stranger in a bar than be faced with the judgment of my peers.
Your writing gives me hope and I will come back to these articles to buoy my spirits. I WAS NOT PUT HERE TO BUY STUFF. I AM NOT HERE TO ACHIEVE "SUCCESS" by MYSELF. I AM NOT MY ACHIEVEMENTS. I AM NOT MY THINGS!!!
Thanks so much for reaching out to me and sharing. I’ve briefly read what you’ve sent my way, but want sit with it, give it a more careful read, and respond more soon. Thanks for your patience with me!
Feeling particularly despondent on a cold winter's night I googled "how modern culture leads to hopelessness" and found your excellent article: "How Modern Culture Drowns Out Psychology’s Important Message - Humans crave connection, but society tells us to prize self-sufficiency." Your writing really hit home for me! You described what I've been feeling for years and have been trying to articulate. I'm not a very good consumer it turns out. I realized long ago that I valued free time more than stuff. So compared to most people in my upwardly mobile area, I am far, far behind. I do not own a house as a single woman in my 60's, I drive an economy car, I am not a crack interior decorator, I have an old cell phone, I don't spend a lot of time on planes, I don't blow money in restaurants. I'm OK with my life as I am aware that my standard of living exceeds most people of the world...however, my more "successful" peers seem entitled to express dismay with my lifestyle and they like to let me know it.
I get hassled a fair amount of not meeting the standards of today's individualist consumer ideals. The fact that I'm a renter is the number one faux pas. Being a renter is treated in this culture like a moral failing, shameful, something to be mocked. I wouldn't dare make rude comments about someone's weight but that overweight person who owns two houses feels quite entitled to make comments about my renter status. I don't want to spend my time creating a living space that looks like it came out of Architectural Digest. I didn't realize I was supposed to be a crack real estate whiz, to know when "the bottom of the market" was and that is exactly WHEN I should buy property so I can then brag about how much it has increased in value.
Thus I am constantly dealing with simmering anger over this ridiculous culture, feeling the condescension and judgement from other consumers around me. It has affected my mental health and probably my blood pressure. On a daily basis I try to calm myself down, deep breathe, smile at dogs and tell myself "No, this is not why you are here - to compete, consume, buy stuff, and display it - BY MYSELF - to be accepted." Yet, this is the current reality. In order to keep up with the proverbial Joneses, I'd have to quit pretty much everything to concentrate on keeping up, competing, buy that condo already (in the 3rd most expensive city in the country) and "stop throwing your money away on rent", then buy those tasteful furnishings, paint the walls the "right" stylish colors, get the most tasteful wall art, work hard to get everything to look "just so" and then have those people over to admire my possessions and decor so that I can approved of, to finally be an esteemed member of their club. That's what is important. Even though we have all heard the old adage, "it's what's inside that counts"...No, not true. Not here, not now. Well, yeah, that's nice but it's what is OUTSIDE that will get social acceptance. What is YOUR property worth? How much do YOU make? What kind of car do YOU drive? Where did YOU take YOUR last vacation? What are YOUR financial goals? What is YOUR retirement plan? What do YOU do? Sigh. No wonder so many are lonely and despondent.
Thank you for your amazingly wonderful warm and keenly observant writing nailing this modern social tragedy. And I will NEVER fit in until I - individually, as a near senior citizen with a partial disability - achieve these consumer ideals BY MYSELF so I can be accepted. Some may say, "Oh, you're exaggerating, it's not as bad as you make it out to be, people are not that materialistic or judgmental"...."You need different friends". Luckily I do have a couple friends who don't care about my decor but they are few and far between. This is why I prefer the company of strangers. They know nothing about my car, my education, my portfolio, my decorating skills or my achievements as an INDIVIDUAL. I'd rather exchange light small talk or cheerful banter with a stranger in a bar than be faced with the judgment of my peers.
Your writing gives me hope and I will come back to these articles to buoy my spirits. I WAS NOT PUT HERE TO BUY STUFF. I AM NOT HERE TO ACHIEVE "SUCCESS" by MYSELF. I AM NOT MY ACHIEVEMENTS. I AM NOT MY THINGS!!!
Thanks so much for reaching out to me and sharing. I’ve briefly read what you’ve sent my way, but want sit with it, give it a more careful read, and respond more soon. Thanks for your patience with me!